Hello and welcome. Today I begin to walk through the book with you, sharing on each of the forty two topics and sometimes the prose. The topic will be the title of each image.
I invite you to join me as we move through my journey from despair to joy and peace. I invite you also to scroll back and read the tale about how the book was birthed. It is an awesome story.
“I have spent a lifetime spinning webs of terror and shame between the spires that stand as sentinels to my heart.” Webs of Fear, our first gate… Weaving webs was the only way I knew; breaking them down has been more difficult. It has involved, for me, the awareness of my fear and then walking through it with courage and faith. I do it even though I am still frightened.
There are so many forms of fear: justified fear, as when in a dangerous or unsafe situation, such as an armed robbery, fear for another’s safety and welfare, and self-absorbed fear, on which I’d like to focus.
For me, self-absorbed fear occurs when everything I fear relates to me somehow, that I will lose something I have or not get something I want. It is very “self” centered. It can be a nagging fear or full blown, so much so that I am unable to function, to move forward, to take action and I procrastinate.
What others call procrastination, I recognize as fear, although I have to remind myself of this when I procrastinate. When I am so fearful of doing something and the result is procrastination, I must really examine what the fear is that is holding me back.
Frequently, I find a lack of confidence because my self- esteem is low and under that is the belief that I am not good enough. Old stories, these are…
I do not find it helpful, as some do, to call myself lazy. That only reinforces my negative beliefs about myself. To raise my esteem, I nurture myself, pay attention to the fact that I am scared and then do something nice for myself and someone else.
Today I wandered through the topic of procrastination. Next time, more about fear and how it manifests, for me.
What are the webs that you weave? What is it about them that paralyzes you with fear?
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Tags: fear, self-absorbed fear, Webs of Fear
October 16, 2009 at 5:08 am |
yes… the webs of fear can be deep, and even hidden until we spark them into view somehow. and sometimes it takes a while to find what the bottom line really is.
i think many of us fear judgment and rejection, that we will be banished from the tribe, and left to fend for ourselves, alone. a teacher of mine recently said our rational minds were designed to keep us safe and have us fit in – which makes a lot of sense to me. and so, when we start to stand out a bit, to think differently, to voice our unique ideas, or to reveal the magnificent beings we truly are, there may very well be a fear about what will happen as we are noticed and seen for who we are. procrastination may very well be a form of keeping oneself safe in the world… and, with patience and love, we can say thank you, and continue to move forward in our lives, yes?
October 16, 2009 at 6:18 am |
I agree that we fear rejection and judgement, and that drives a lot of our actions and behaviors. Your point is well taken that procrastination may be one trying to be safe. I hadn’t looked at it that way, and it makes sense. Thank you.