As you may have read, I am walking you through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart. Reading about the birth of the book may be helpful to gain an understanding of the book’s magic.
To be totally honest with you, I wanted to skip this topic; it has been difficult to write. Yet, it is one of the emotions described in the book, so here we go.
Sorrow is an emotion you might feel in response to regret or remorse of actions, grief from loss, or disappointment. It may be sorrow over the cruel treatment of beings.
Whatever leads one to sorrow, what I am referring to that I experienced was intense mental agony, anguish – a searing, burning feeling. It was something I didn’t want to feel because it was so painful.
While still drinking, the alcohol worked to numb my feelings for a bit. But after a point, it fueled my sorrow. In sobriety, I started to feel my feelings without numbing them and sorrow became a major part of my recovery until I was about five years sober. I spent a great deal of time obsessing about my losses… mostly of relationships, but also of things I missed out on that could never be, and of great disappointments. I didn’t know how to handle any of these things.
When entrenched in my obsessing, my self-doubt increased dramatically. This led me to great remorse of things I had said or done. The net result was sorrow and the obsessing spiraled out of control. As a result of my self-doubt and remorse, soon my confidence was shaken and my self-esteem was in the toilet. I was unable to pass through the stages of grief.
In the best case scenario, sorrow runs its course and the stages of grief are experienced. A person is able to put closure on the issue which led to sorrow in the first place. As my friend Geoff puts it, “We cry. We mourn. We turn a new page. We start a new chapter. We reinvent ourselves. We replace loss with closure. We move on. We have an epiphany.” We heal and can see the good gained from a situation or relationship.
That is what eventually happened to me. In recovery, I slowly healed my wounds because I allowed myself first, to feel my sorrow and second, to grieve. I got counseling to help me with all of this, to help with my low self-esteem and self-worth. I have not felt sorrow for about two years now. Certainly, I still feel great sadness, disappointment and discouragement, but they do not develop into sorrow.
Have you experienced sorrow? What was it like for you? How did you resolve it?
November 6, 2009 at 7:06 am |
i do not know how to measure the level of pain each word represents – pain, sorrow, grief, suffering, despair…they may mean different things to each of is. but how and why and where the pain came from, i think it is a choice we each make at some point to continue the cycle and spiral further into the depths, or to labor our way out of it, whatever that journey may be, how ever long it may take.
i know that sometimes the first choice to make, and maybe the hardest, is to decide to stay… once we decide that, i believe there is a glimmer of power, of hope, because we realized we had a choice, and here we are, willing to take a few more steps.
it is sometimes difficult to see or feel the value in a journey such as you describe, but i have found one gift to be that of recognizing our humanity in each others eyes. i know how easy it can be to forget our powerful and loving selves, how easy it can be to get lost, to forget to look in the mirror and see truth looking back – and i can take a moment, hold up a mirror for someone in case they may be ready to pause, glance at their reflection, start to remember a bit of themselves. this is one thing i think we can do for each other from hearts opened by life experiences.
November 7, 2009 at 9:30 pm |
I agree that pain from sorrow, despair, grief, etc. is different for each of us. Perhaps it varies according to our life experiences. I also agree that it is a choice we each make to heal from past hurts, or continue that cycle. It is a journey of courage and faith.
Deciding to stay, to show up for our lives. This, too, is a choice that sometimes requires courage and faith.
The value I have found in my life involves great healing, learning to look at myself, learning to forgive, learning great compassion for my fellow travelers, among others. This healing experience is something I can share with others, in the event that the circumstances of my life ring true for another, which may help guide that person to hope. You so eloquently described the process of how we can be each other’s mirrors.
Thank you for your comment. cj